Cornered

Its tough when you cant be heard. Its horrible when you are not able to defend yourself. Somehow, when you cant speak up, its seems the world conspires to take advantage of the situation. Maybe its not on purpose, I duno. I just know i feel bad enough, and the situation is making me feel really helpless. I wish I can throw away my sense of obligation. Then I can ignore my responsibilites and hide at home tmr.

Singing my mood

Are you lonesome tonight? Lonely~~~ I'm so Lonely~~~~ Blue Blue My world is Blue! Only the lonely...

Still cant guess? then you must be blind. Sigh.... I understand why Ah Niu would sing a dorky song to catch a girl's attention. Cause some ppl would nv notice you otherwise. Waiting is tough. Its worse when the party you are waiting for doesnt seem to notice that. Wat to do siah?

Envy Jacky Wu's rooftop. Telepathy like that makes things a lot easier. Pity neither my dreams or sleeplessness help me any.

I know why being sad is also called being depressed. Caz you sink deep down into that invisible hole in your heart.

Weight

Its probably not a new thing that females are extremely touchy about their weight. But weight is a really lousy indicator because little things like a meal or a trip to the ladies room can cause a difference. I checked a few times to be sure.

Urgh... I gained back some of the weight I lost in the hols. Irritating. Heard from colleagues that its common in our line of work... gosh... Sigh... When I eat with my students who are in their teens, I can only shake my head in envy and disbelieve. How do they eat so much and not show it?

Break and Freedom

I really need a break. And i really crave freedom. Total freedom. Sometimes i get the feeling i want to leave everything behind for a couple of months to a year. I want to do nothing but travel, read and take pictures. I dun even want to contact anyone i noe. I dun even need to leave the country for all that. I can just head to pulau ubin, woodlands or yishun, or get a license to camp on West Coast. As long as its someplace i seldom go and im not familiar with. So i can explore, and do anything i feel like no matter how crazy it is, without worrying that someone i noe will spot me doing so.

To do so, i need money, a long break, and a way for my family to leave me alone. I'll be the first to admit im an overprotected child (despite the law recognising me as an adult). My parents will freak if i just pack up and go, leaving a letter behind. But if i try to explain wat i wanna do to them, tell them not to worry about it and just let me go off even just 2 days and a night, by myself, without any idea where i'll be going except to explore, they oso freak. The only difference being i dun get to go. In fact, even if i say i wanna visit IR and stay overnight on Sentosa by myself, they will oso freak and refuse.

Maybe I should just settle for one whole afternoon. Purposely leave my phone at home and set out on an exploration trip. I may not get to relax and read... but i squeeze in plenty of reading as it is now. So i shall prioritise traveling and taking pictures.

ha ma la and the alamak

high ability, middle ability, low ability and the ones that make you want to laugh and cry, tear out your hair and strangle them all at the same time.

Am stuck with the las and alamaks for this year. Am so happy to go for CCA and meet my has and mas, I've almost forgotten there are such ppl already.

Leisure

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

By William Henry Davies


One of my favourite poems to recite since my Secondary school days, when i first came across it between the pages of my literature textbook. Last time, i recited it so often i can memorise it. Unfortunately, I seem to have less and less leisure to recite it. Kinda ironic eh?

Helpless

There is construction work going on at the overheadbridge near my house. On my way home today, saw a butterfly trying to find a way out of the net that they used to curtain off the area where work is being done. It wasnt really caught, as the net isnt very high and it can easily fly over it. Also the net was full of holes, big enough for it to get through. But the poor thing just couldnt see the way over or around it. It flew back and forth along its length, never finding a way out.

I wanted to help it. I decided to try and catch it, then bring it to a wider space to set it free. But it sense me nearby, and fluttered about more frantically than before. The few times i had a chance to, i hesitated, and it got away from me. I was afraid of acidentally tearing the delicate wings. In the past, when i caught butterflies, there were some that were so scared, they gripped watever they were holding on to so tightly, their legs came off when i pulled. The memories of those incidents made me hesitant. In the end, I went off, feeling as helpless as the butterfly.