long time no see

Its been a while since my last blog. And tho I actually wanted to update about prac and all. I think I will forget all that and write something else.

I am becoming more and more tactless and blunt. I have no idea how to talk courteosly anymore. I cant stand it that I am being rude, even by my own standards. But I think I lost the ability to say things nicely and tactfully and still get what I mean across.

Maybe I should just practice smiling. And sit and smile at the world around me. Surely if I practise enough, I should be able to smile without offending anyone, right? If I dun talk, I dun need to be disappointed in myself.

Sigh... why do I only really like to write/type when I am moody? My blog is getting more and more depressing. Maybe I should delete it and start over. Or maybe I should consider practising how to clasp my hands elegantly, so I can stop myself for writing such stuff, while pretending nothing is wrong.

Nobody likes a gloomy person, and no one likes a person who doesnt like themselves. I noe all that. So why am I still unable, to make myself like me?

I wish I were like gold or silver. So someone can come along and melt me down, and mold me again. However, relying on others mean I am not likely to turn out the way I wanna be. Is it possible for anything to mold itself? Or is there someone whom I can trust, to mold me into what I wanna be? Lord pls grant me the strenght to change myself.

Sigh... I wish I can happily recite the poem from the p3 chinese textbook, where the kid happily concludes that it is most interesting to be a new me. Or maybe bcas kids arent suppose to noe how difficult that is, so they are able to happily recite it. Or they just havent thot abt that yet.

Goals are good, target setting is gd, but reaching it is not easy. You need to plan, prepare and practice before it can succeed, and for my case I always seem to stumble at the preparation stage. Lousy, cant even walk properly. Drop on all fours and proceed in a crawl. as long as you dun give up you can reach it some day. And since the center of gravity will be lower and its easy to balance on fours then on twos, maybe I can finally proceed, without stumbling too much.

Sheesh... comforting myself is fine and all, but I myself noe i am already crawling. If I dun manage to pick myself up soon, I am going to end up lying on the ground. Oh well, maybe I can try convince myself to try rolling in order to move forward then.